I am leaving my job of 3 ½ years tomorrow, not by choice.

Nearly three months ago, I received my layoff notice in the form of a private two-minute meeting and a nice letter signed by my director. The letter explains that budget cuts are the reason behind my termination, not my inability or unwillingness to work, and I’ve been throwing it in the virtual face of every could-be employer I can possibly find. Still, in this dead economy and flood of pink slips and layoffs, I want employers to know that I did nothing to cause this.

I have never not had a job or, at least, a substantial amount of money in my savings account to live off of. And due to putting myself through college and three rounds of costly family court in the last six years… after tomorrow, I’ll have neither.

In the face of this change and uncertainty, I am feeling strangely confident about it all.  Probably because I don’t have a choice in the matter.  I’ve always been the kind of person to barrel through a crisis while the rest of the world spins uncontrollably. Only after the fix has been made do I give myself the chance to reflect on how bad it could have been. 

That’s usually when I lose it.

This time is different, though.  Maybe I’m more confident.  Maybe I’m just delusional. Maybe this job has been my oppressor. Either way, this new way of thinking has gotten me to a point in my life that will allow me to walk out the door tomorrow. 

Or run.  I might just run out the door.

This is my opportunity to move on and do bigger and better and more admirable things, for myself, for my daughter, and for the people I love. 

Alexander Graham Bell said, “Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open.”

I’ve been waiting for this door to close for a very long time. Finally, I can move on to the next…





5 thoughts on “doors

  1. It sounds like you’ve found those proverbial “brass cajones” you lost so many moons ago…I like this Dena. You’ve come a long way since I first saw you walking along that fence, looking absolutely amazing, on Andrews AFB! I hope you know that the people who read this blog appreciate and respect you immensely (they, however, SHOULD write their comments here…I’m looking at you reader!) Keep on keeping on…it’s what you do best!

    May I get that door for you…

  2. You are right that this job was probably your oppressor. And it couldn’t have been easy to stay working there for the 3 or so past months but at least you are out and open to finding something bigger and better. That happened for a friend recently who was let go from her writing job at a Financial Magazine. Now she is somewhere that fits her better.

    btw, your picture of the doors reminds me of a popular Irish postcard—“Doors of Dublin”!

  3. My dear Dena,
    I know this is a mixed feelings moment for you, scary, and exiciting, but I’m sure you will find a job, a better one, very soon. Even more so, I hope that future job allows you to do what you like most: writing. You write so well and interestingly, that I always have to look up words when I read you (needless to say, I do have to do that frequently as English is my second language)!

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