Rare beach finds

The kid and I spotted some rare finds at the beach this morning.  In each encounter, we avoided being mortally wounded and/or losing a hand and/or finger(s). Obviously, I can’t be too specific because I’m really not sure at this point if either of us was really in any danger at all.  But I got close enough to take pictures and I touched one. Oooh!

This is a horseshoe crab.  Not a hard-shelled stingray, you silly British tourists. 

Also, Elle found this humongous sea snail.  She was holding it in place with a small stick, being sure the waves didn’t take it back out to sea until I got a chance to look at it.  This is nothing at all like those snails I used to race up my mom’s kitchen window as a kid.  Imagine the slime trail!  Ew, okay. Don’t imagine it.  The silly British tourists lost their minds when they saw me handling it with my bare hands. “IT COULD BE POISONOUS – PUT THAT THING DOWN RIGHT NOW!!!”  and I listened to them because, well…anyone with an accent like that just sounds downright authoritative.  In a male Mary Poppins sort of way. Not like in a Hugh Grant sort of way. Also, this snail was huge!

 

This next gem of photograph doesn’t translate well at all, I know this.  It’s one of those you had to be there moments when I saw this woman trying to wrangle her grandson (yes, she does look like a grandmother in person) and when she turned to run after the young boy as he fled toward the waves again, I noticed her beach shorts had SURF BABE written across the ass.  A rare find, indeed! Also, STOP WEARING CRAP LIKE THAT FOR REALS!! I don’t care how old (or young) you are.

If ever there was an argument for banning words stitched across the ass of comfortable shorts, THIS WILL SHUT YOU ALL UP. Please, concede.

It’s probably why the horseshoe crab refused to come out of his shell.  That and because the silly British tourists kept flipping him over to see his underside. Really? Because you’re not sure if it’s a hard-shelled stingray that’s been washed ashore…did nobody warn you to not touch the Florida wildlife?  Even the poisonous sea snails? (I googled it later – it’s not a toxic snail, I’m assuming from the photographs of all the other fools who have recklessly manhandled an unidentified ocean critter and lived to tell the tale. Or at least long enough to post the image online. And I still have 10 fingers. Yay!)

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